Dreamers

this is just a mall part od a story of mine that i am creating.

Some people tell me that there is a time and a place for everything and others tell me that its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Personally though i think that all of that is just a bunch of crap.
I've never done anything at a specific time. I've laughed at funerals, i've cried at my birthday and i've gone swimming in the middle of winter. I've also never loved. To me its safer that way. If i never love then i never have to get hurt. I'm cold, frozen. I cant get too close to people otherwise i know that my heart will break or i'll go mad.
One day i plan to join the army. I want to go to war. To fight and to kill off the enemy. I plan to be the kings right hand man and to be feared by all. What better future is there for someone who laughs at inappropriate times and plans never to love another human soul?
My mother told me the night before she died that nothing turns out the way you plan for it to happen. She told me to just wait for everything to come to me and to just let the wind take me where it will. She made me promise to do this, but I cant. I cant just sit still all the time. I need to do something. I need to go out into the world and to explore life, join my army, to smell the strong stench of fear emulating from my enemies.
This is what i plan to do the day after tomorrow. My father will travel with me as far as the borderline of our little world to the great lands beyond that.
I've planned all this and i will make my dreams come true one way or another.