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yeah, nah, that's all
  • Mood: Yearning
  • Listening to: not falling - mudvayne
  • Reading: hush hush
  • Watching: the keyboard... well it lights up
  • Playing: try not to bite ones fingers off
  • Eating: no-doz
  • Drinking: tes
  • Mood: Yearning
  • Listening to: Marilyn Manson - Mobscene
  • Reading: Other people poems
  • Watching: Porky Pig, hmmm pork...
  • Playing: how to unconfuse bonnie in this heat...
  • Eating: my own saliva
  • Drinking: nudda
Yeah, well, you try think of an interesting title on a hot day like this!

I've managed to add two new poems to my lovely little gallery: 1) Reality Is Just a Dream
                   2) And I Dream

Oh for the love of [insert bad language here]

People go read them please and maybe even suggest better titles for them... anything other than the fact that they both have something to do with dreams.... I DONT LIKE THIS HEAT!!! actually i lie, i do like it cuz it means that i can go swimming...BUT ITS SO HOT, I CANT THINK PROPERLY... HELP ME THINK OF BETTER TITLES AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND...

never mind the men in the white suits are here, woohoooooo, padded room here i come!
  • Mood: Suggestive
  • Listening to: Spitfire - The Prodigy
  • Reading: The Wheel of Time Series Book Two by Robert Jordan
  • Watching: Ice Age 2
  • Playing: Pinball
  • Eating: Smoking
  • Drinking: Lemonade
Hello there people of this slightly insane world!
I am back and cleaning out my Deviations.
1) Because some of them are pissing me off
2) Becase the ones that are pissing me off are taking up valuable room
3) Because it was my new years resolution to clean up all the shit in my life... ( actually it was to find a job and to get my own place)

So... This is what it's going to be like this new year...

Your actually going to get actual comment from me and not just sissy little things like "that was awesome gee i wish i could write like that" cuz honestly half the time i'm bullshiting.

If i think somethings crap i'm gonna tell you its crap, but you dont have to listen to what i say, cuz its probably just me and my other seven personalities, josh, blob, nitwit, clockwork, hamish, rain and borris... My god i'm an idiot...

I'm going to atempt to actually put more effort into my writing instead of just sitting there for five minutes and seeing what comes out... Nah fuck that, five minute poems are my best ones...

No More Drawings!

Maybe Afew Photos... Of People But Me

Thats All For Now Folks

Keep On Smiling and Being Happy and All That... Don't Do Anthing I Wouldn't Do...
this is just a mall part od a story of mine that i am creating.

Some people tell me that there is a time and a place for everything and others tell me that its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Personally though i think that all of that is just a bunch of crap.
I've never done anything at a specific time. I've laughed at funerals, i've cried at my birthday and i've gone swimming in the middle of winter. I've also never loved. To me its safer that way. If i never love then i never have to get hurt. I'm cold, frozen. I cant get too close to people otherwise i know that my heart will break or i'll go mad.
One day i plan to join the army. I want to go to war. To fight and to kill off the enemy. I plan to be the kings right hand man and to be feared by all. What better future is there for someone who laughs at inappropriate times and plans never to love another human soul?
My mother told me the night before she died that nothing turns out the way you plan for it to happen. She told me to just wait for everything to come to me and to just let the wind take me where it will. She made me promise to do this, but I cant. I cant just sit still all the time. I need to do something. I need to go out into the world and to explore life, join my army, to smell the strong stench of fear emulating from my enemies.
This is what i plan to do the day after tomorrow. My father will travel with me as far as the borderline of our little world to the great lands beyond that.
I've planned all this and i will make my dreams come true one way or another.
i dont like them... well some of them i do, the cute ones anyway... even some of the ugly ones... except cockraoches cant stand them... though, if i had to be any bug in the world i would have to be a cochroach... there was a point to this, though what it was i cant really remember... oh yeah, i had a bug fly into my mouth earlier today, im not really all that sure how it managed to do it, since i was sleeping in my bed at the time, next thing you know im gagging cuz some stupid little tiny thing that can fly desided to have a very early death...

well bye
I wish i could stop smoking
I wish i could be a better mother
I wish that everything will work out fine for everyone
I wish i could give good advice when its needed
I wish i didnt cry at the smallest of things
I wish i was a better friend to certain people
I wish i hadnt dropped out in the middle of year twelve
I wish i could find my own place to live
I wish i could finish one of my stories and get it published
I wish someone will come along and love me for who i am and wont knock me up two months into the relationship
I wish i wasnt so dependant on everyone around me
two people would come back into my life so i could tell them how sorry i am and how much they really mean to me
I wish that i could make soemthing big of myself
I wish that all of my wishes should come true
well on the weekend i got two things i swore to myself i would never get.

one: a nose piercing
two: a tattoo

so yeah...
boy it feels like ages since i was last here... some time soon im going to be adding a whole fuckload (scuse the language) of poem and short stories that i have been doing lately... just not today, too many to even contemplate begining today.

anyway, my babies doing well. hes so cute, hes begun to smile a whole lot more now and he has the most cheekeist smile i have ever seen on a baby.

well i have to toodle off now and head down the street to do what mums do when they dont have their kids ( go to maets, make a hairdresser appointment, classes, blah bl;ah blah and get drunk with mates, lol)

On the 29th of May 2006 I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy by the name of Aiden Daniel Blake-Butcher. he wieghed 9.9 pounds ( OUCHIE!). hes just over two weeks old now and hes thriving and fucking heavy to pick up. :P

May not be on here as much as what i used to be, but of course i have a very good reason. I'll put up a photo of him sometime soonish. Hes a very cute little baby.


I'm three days overdue.
I want this baby out now.
I love bubs, course I do.
But not when it wants to stay in me.
If bubs isnt out by the 42nd week and right now im in my 41st week, they will have to induce me.
25th April 2006

we all know babys go punchy punchy punch... its either an elbow or a knee or a hand or feet thats sticking into painful stomachy areas at the moment... weee... 5 more weeks to go...

30th April 2006

okay i calculated how much time i have left and its actually down to 3 weeks and 3 days... Please dont come out early or decide you want to stay in there.

6th May 2006

down to 2 weeks and 4 days...

10th May 2006 - Tis No Fun Without Friends

im not aloud out of the house for long walks down town anymore :( ... unless i have to go to the doctors... which means im stuck to walking around in circles in my backyard and trondling along my street... the furthest i think i can go to  is the botanical gardens and though i love the gardens tis no fun without friends :(

yes it is safe to say i am missing people. I saw cass :icondancer-from-the-dark: on friday, but thats about it... after that day mum doesnt want me walking around to far... she does have good reason for it though, i mean if im down the street and i start having contractions... what are we to do... meh...

spose ill hve to wait till baby pops out... I WANT IT OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14 days to go

12th May 2006

12 days to go... wow... I'm actually going to become a mummy soon...

14th May 2006 - Won't be Boring For Much Longer

I am feeling so bored now... everything for bubs has been done except for the preparing of the bed/cot which my mum is going to do while me and bubs are recooperating in the hospital.

As boredom sinks deeper and deeper so does the knife in the postmans back... Well do you have any other ideas about how to entertain my never ending, overly imaginative and sometimes scary mind? No? I didn't think so.

Note for Tessa, aka :iconlillith-37love:
You know that journal you created, the one about the cockroach and the butterfly, i think that you should perhaps make that a forum topic somewhere. I'm not kidding, i think that you would get some pretty interesting replys.

Anyway back to the topic at hand. Boredom.

I spose that i had better enjoy it while it lasts really. I mean once bubs is born im not really going to have all that much time to myself to even feel bored. Ah well, not long to go now till all forms of boredom ends.

You want to know what scares me the most about this pregnancy? Well even if you don't i'm telling you.

What if something happens during the labour and my baby does, what if its born already dead? I dont think that i would be able to cope with that. Or what if i die during giving birth to bubs. I mean i know its doesnt happen very often anymore, but something still could go wrong you know, i dont think that my mum could cope with something like that.

Even though bubs isnt even born yet, i love him/her, and i really want to be a mother. I'm used to the idea of it all and i love the thought of being the person a little child will run to when its scared of the monster under the bed or has managed to hurt themselves somehow. I love the thought of maybe being able to read stories to them as they fall asleep and i really want to hear their little voice call me 'Mummy'.

Now you all know what scares me the most. people ask me that all the time and all i am ever really able to say is that im scared about the giving birth part. I can never find the words to tell them how i really feel.

Ah well, i shall find out how it all ends up soon im sure, who knows i might just be worrying for no reason at all.

17th May 2006

Doc told me today that there may be a chance that the bubs will be born overdue... Ergh, fun.


:iconshiven: :icondancer-from-the-dark: :iconrainbow28886: :iconszengelice: :iconlillith-37love:


:iconpastdervishandbanges: :iconlionanddragon: :iconharryanddraco: :iconhogwartsart: :iconharry-draco: :iconmanipulators: :iconwriters-united:
Just a note to say that there is a new club thing out for all of you writers out there and its for all kind of writing. It has just started up and its really awesome so i suggest you go check it out.


Anyways, the baby's alive and kicking... ME IN THE RIBS!

Best wishes to you all.
Toodles :bounce:


:iconpastdervishandbanges: :iconlionanddragon: :iconharryanddraco: :iconhogwartsart: :iconharry-draco: :iconmanipulators: :iconwriters-united:
seven weeks to go... :teddy: <<< Closest thing to a baby i could find
damn can my baby kick, i swear one day its just going to kick itself straight out of it cosy little home... maybe thats whys its kicking so much maybe its trying to desperately send messages to me I WANT OUT! well i want you out to but you dont hear me complaining. :P

its really wierd when i look in the mirror now. i used to be a thinish sort of thing, now ive got a belly infront of me and i can make it wobble! :D

boy i cant wait till im eight months along, am i ever going to look huge then! :P


:iconpastdervishandbanges: :iconlionanddragon: :iconharryanddraco: :iconhogwartsart: :iconharry-draco:

One of these days i'm pretty sure i'll get round to putting down the icons of all the people who watch me in my journals... but till that eventful day comes... go and have a moesy at the clubs.

I had my ultrasound the other day and they werent able to tell whether i had a girl in my belly or a boy in my belly... so i have to continue calling the baby in my belly 'IT' till i find out what 'it' actually is... ah well... i suppose the sex of my child will just have to remain unknown.


:iconpastdervishandbanges: :iconlionanddragon: :iconharryanddraco: :iconhogwartsart:

One of these days i'm pretty sure i'll get round to putting down the icons of all the people who watch me in my journals... but till that eventful day comes... go and have a moesy at the clubs.

oooo i can feel my baby wiggling inside of me.

i turned 18 on the 31st of december and boy was that a fuck of a day round about 45 degrees... and to think i was actually outside for most of that day. didnt do anything for it... meh, thats life.

went to the showgrounds at around midnight to see the fireworks, they were fantastic to watch.

hmmm, dont really have any new year resolutions except for maybe actually managing to finish one of my stories... ah well we'll see what happens.

saw a giant cockroach last night... nasty thing that.

saw a spider this morning, havent been back into the laundry since.

i have a new kitten and shes a manx and her name is Oscar. she is so cute, she white and brown and black and orange and were begining to think that shes not really a manx and that someone has just chopped off her tail, because whenever you touch the end of her tail she sort of meows in discomfort or pain.

also my cat bowie needs to be taken to the vet to have his teeth filed down...

velos healthy so that good.

now for the cats in my life that arnt mine.

Zeus, ak and jacob got him last week some time has bronchitis a broken rib and one or two other health probs and had to be taken to the vet. that ended up costing soemthing like $87 or something around there. He's doing a whole lot better now. He purrs more and has a cute sort of high pitched meow.

Gabby, who is a beautiful grey and white cat has nothing wrong with her, which is good. at one point or another ak and jacob want gabs and zeus, to... you know...

Dime... the cute little fluff ball of a kitten as she is, is a twat, but we still love her.

Worm, he may have bronchitis, but ak and i are just hoping he was coughing up a fur ball.

Diggles, perfectly healthy, black and white cat, nothing wrong with her.

Daneka, cranky fluffy likes having her bum patted... very georgeous and kinky cat, perfectly healthy. She had her tail ran over a fair few weeks ago, paralized it. she fine now though.

and thats all the cats in my life, doesnt it suck that im allergic to them and cant take my allergy tablets?

ummm thats all from me for now, hopw you all have a lovely new year...

okay, so christmas i coming and i have officially decided that i dont like wrapping the presents, i dont mind the buying of the presents i just really dont like the wrapping of them. for a starters the paper tends to tear if that particular present has a sharp edge to it, i hate wrapping round things and i really hate trying to wrap things that dont come in a box... want to hear me complain some more? nah i wont put you through that.

other than that small thing i love christmas, cuz you get to see the reactions of the people you brought the present for, you get your own presents, you get lots of food, see family memebers you mainly only see once a year...


speaking of the food, i have to go make some icing at the moment, for a cake... hmmmmm, chocolate icing...
well first ff i need to find a small flat somewhere that i can live in, second off i broke up with aaron cuz he was a twat and not doing what good boyfriends do when they have impregnated their girlfriend and third off, im organising my birthday party which will be held in the afternoon sometime on the 31st of december...

christmas is coming up as you all well know... havent bought that many prezzies...  dont really have the money for them...

thats it from me, i dont have a very interestig life...

actually you shouold see the size of my boobs... I ACTUALLY HAVE SOME! and the size of my little belly and to think in abother five months time soemthing will be coming out of it. still have to make an appointment to get another ultrasound to find out what the sex is. kinda hope its a boy...

and ive found something cool out, well actually found this out bout three months back, but who cares? Tarots my thing, people may not really belive in that sort of stuff, but i do and its my thing.


anywho, ive lost my phone :( which means i have to try and save money to go out there and buy a new one.

ah well, thats a part of my life...


see below what happens when i get bored, i create stories and give them crappy plots.

Secrets and Memories Series

Fall Down and Cry - This is a story about two brothers who left home when they were both sixteen. Michael is five minutes older than his twin brother Bradley. This is his story of the events that transpired between the time they left home and why he now stands at the end of his brothers grave, staring helplessly at the headstone.

Just Run -  Anna couldnt live at home anymore. She ran. Ran from the one pace she would ever feel safe and loved. Two years later her brother takes a caravan and starts off his search for his little sister and along the way he picks up a hitchhiker. they get to know each other and the girl gives him a piece of advice to help him get his sister back. but whats her real reaosn for wanting to return home and will he see her again to tell her thank you before its too late?

Forgive and Forget -  The story of a man who comes to a secret part of the woods every year. He tells the story of how he met a girl in those woods and how he came to love her, but one day she turned up dead and he was the main suspect of her murder. He tells the story of their friendship and his one year in prison before anybody relised they had sent the wrong person to jail. His name is Simon and he would like to tell you about Sara.

Hold On - Saying goodbye to your best friend is never an easy thing to do and when they ask you for one last favour, of course your going to say yes, even if it means sneaking into the emergency room at midnight, dressing her up in her favorite cloths and then stealing her quietly away from the hospital. This is a story about the last day two best friends spend together, their memories, shared one last time beside a lake.

I'm Not Sorry - Matty not sorry for the pain she caused. She's not sorry for the loves shes lost. Shes not sorry for running away. She not sorry for forgeting promises. Shes not sorry for jumping. The only thing she wishes, is that he had had the strength to jump with her.
"I jump because of what I believe in, it's not your fault you can't. Besides you have your whole life to live. I jump because it's all I have left to do."

Let Her Fall - When someone has a secret that could of helped someone else, but they didnt want to break any promises, what happens? Sit back and relax and pretend like nothing has happened? No. Nat goes over the edge. She's not a part of the sane world anymore, the secret she holds drove her mad and the only thing that can stop anyone from finding out the secret is a small silver locket she wears around her neck. Take it off her and you have the secret.

Tear It Up - Josh and Mary. Mary and Josh. Brother and sister. Best of friends. So why does he kill her? Why does he take advantage of a crying girl and slit her throat? Now hes locked up and he talks to himself, until one day his conciounce overwhelms him and takes form of a teenage girl. His sister. he has an imaginary friend. She tells him something. Something long forgotten, something about that terrible dreadful day, he wasnt the one who had killed her and that deep dwon inside of himself he knew who it was, but he just didnt want to believe it. So... Does he remember who killed his sister? Or does her killer get to him first?

yeah... you can tell i have a life...